Behold, gamers, for we have some glorious news for you! Cast your eyes upon the resplendent image of your new Lord and rejoice, for the One that the sacred texts predicted—the One who will bring together all of the warring gamer tribes and lead us to victory—has been born.
For too long, we gamers have been spat upon by the powerful who shuns us for our hygiene and fandoms. Bitterly divided and downcast, we have been driven apart by infighting that separated us into the PlayStation fanboys and Xbox diehards, the strategy gamers and hardcore shooter fans. But now, in the small rural Indiana town of Batesville, our savior has been born. All enemies will tremble before us.
—we have been cast out to the edge of civilization, forced to wander the digital wilderness as pariahs, a people without a home. We were not welcome among the halls of power, deemed unfit for breeding except with each other. Under hissed breath, non-gamers called on us to grow up, to get a life, and to take a shower. We were mere slaves, forced first to scrounge for quarters, then to beg for broadband internet access.
For decades upon decades, our online clans have been at each other’s throats, but soon, they will realize that we are all of one body. One does not say to one’s nose or hand, “I have no need of thee.” So, it is that each and every gamer will learn that they hold a sacred role in our community, whether adevotee. Already pilgrims are coming to understand this profound truth. They pay homage at Nathan’s foot, delivering offers of GeForce GTX TITANs and Ultra Red Monster energy drink to his cradle.
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