“The experience gave me a rare glimpse at things people with ADHD often struggle to see: How it actually feels to deal with us when we’re being difficult.”
are secretly adored for their exploits. But when people are stressed, and we continue to act without reading the room, or see how our impulsive actions and persistence come across , it causes real problems.I felt disrespected because I was clear yet ignored — having that drink mattered more to him than how I felt about it. Even though his behavior put me at risk, I felt like the killjoy.
I resisted the urge to throw him, along with the bottle, out of my van. Lucky for him, the whiskey was expensive, and his seatbelt was buckled. Though IAfter we parked, I snatched the bottle, took a big swig myself and unleashed my pent-up fury. I told him exactly why I was so angry. For a moment, my little eruption felt good.
Then I saw the horror, shame, and genuine remorse in his eyes, hidden behind his awkward naughty grin.because, for the first time, I could see how it must feel for people to deal with me when I’m being manic or inconsiderate.I knew my anger upset him, even though he initially tried to laugh it off. Then he retreated in shame, the same way I do sometimes.He could have just given me five minutes, found me a beer or said he was “sorry,” but because of his embarrassment he didn’t.
I get it. I’ve been in that hole many times. So, I did what I hope someone will do for me when I’m in a similar position: I went to the van, grabbed two glasses and the bottle he hid under the seat, poured him one, gave him a manly shoulder hug, said “cheers” and some other not-for-print words, and let him apologize.
I realized it was more important to make it clear, verbally and through my immediate actions, that I care more about his feelings than I do about being right.
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