Financial Experts Recommend Investing In Businesses Government Will Bail Out Anytime They Fuck Up

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Financial Experts Recommend Investing In Businesses Government Will Bail Out Anytime They Fuck Up
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NEW YORK—Calling it a desirable low-risk, high-yield option, financial experts reportedly recommended Thursday that Americans invest in businesses the government will bail out anytime they fuck up. “We strongly encourage people to put their money in a secure corporation whose solvency the government will rush in to…

NEW YORK—Calling it a desirable low-risk, high-yield option, financial experts reportedly recommended Thursday that Americans invest in businesses the government will bail out anytime they fuck up.

nal economy are a smart and safe investment. “We suggest padding your portfolio with a handful of businesses able to fuck up so badly that the government awards them emergency loans financed by taxpayers to address their impending cash shortages. These are especially profitable if you can also invest long-term by sitting on the board of directors and paying yourself a $140,000 bonus just hours before regulators move in to perform damage control on failing business.

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