HARTFORD, CT—Creating an electric and intimidating atmosphere with their cheers and vocal cries for blood, throngs of health insurance executives reportedly crowded into a massive outdoor coliseum on Aetna’s corporate campus Monday to watch one of their policyholders engage in a life-or-death fight against cancer.
Sources confirmed that the stone arena was filled to capacity for the highly anticipated spectacle, with over 90,000 officials attending from providers as far away as WellPoint, Kaiser Permanente, and HCSC to see if the patient could survive an intense, brutal struggle with the advanced stage III illness.
According to reports, the policyholder, who was equipped with limited resources of his own during the fight, immediately faced the punishing and grave challenge of successfully submitting claims for a preliminary consultation with an out-of-network oncologist.
“C’mon, kill him already!” added a screaming Murray, turning his attention back to the fight. “Finish that worthless scum!”Experts confirmed that such cancer battles—along with kidney disease battles and lengthier diabetes battles—have been held in the coliseum since its completion in the early 1960s, and have remained a popular form of entertainment among American health insurance executives ever since.
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