Dear Readers: Below are two good examples that may be of use to any reader who is struggling with infidelity in a relationship.
Dear Readers: A number of you wrote to me in response to “Still Recovering,” the woman who was not yet over her husband’s affair from seven years earlier. You offered a range of different perspectives gained from personal experiences with infidelity. Below are two good examples that may be of use to “Still Recovering” and to any reader who is struggling with infidelity in a relationship.
DEAR ANNIE: Our family went through some tough times a few years back, which ultimately led to my husband being unfaithful. When I found out, I packed his things and told him I never wanted to see him again. I even served him divorce papers in front of his new girlfriend. We were separated for six months before we realized that we were really good together, and we both were at fault for why we drifted apart in the first place.
I decided to forgive him only after I saw him take responsibility for his infidelity, show true remorse for the actions that completely destroyed me, make an attempt to repair our relationship and make a continued effort to never repeat his mistake. It is not always easy. I think about that part of our life from time to time. But the day I decided to continue working on our marriage was the day I was no longer allowed to hold that time against him. You accept your partner for all their faults and shouldn’t hold their feet to the fire if they’re making conscious efforts to move past their ugliest behaviors. Hold them accountable in the moment, but remember it’s just a moment.
DEAR ANNIE: I would like to respond to “Still Recovering,” whose husband had an affair that left her traumatized. Regular talk therapy can certainly be helpful, but I would suggest she look into a therapist trained in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, or EMDR. This therapy is designed specifically for trauma and the tendency to ruminate over those traumatic events.
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