Daily News | Dear Abby | Victim of physical violence still wrestles with impact
I dumped every moment with my children I could onto my husband so I could go out with my “friends” to clubs, bars, concerts or parties. I then started having affairs with many different people, including women. My husband knew about all of it, and despite the torture and pain I put him through, he stayed with me.
Years later, I have managed to slowly heal from that devastating assault. I have found true joy in my children and being a mom again. I don’t party, drink or smoke anymore. But one thing has become clear: I’m no longer sexually attracted to my husband. I love him very much, but the thought of being intimate with him grosses me out. It makes me so uncomfortable. I don’t even like it when he tries to caress me. It has been like this for a year.
I feel bad because I know he has needs, but I just can’t bring myself to get physical with him. I’ve actually thought that leaving him might be necessary because he has never fully healed from what I’ve done, and I’m still struggling with finding other men attractive. Abby, what do I do?Please accept my sympathy for what happened to you. I am struck by the fact that nowhere in your letter did you mention receiving counseling after the assault.
Go online and search on “services for victims of crime” in your state. Help is available through these resources. Alternatively, your physician or health insurance provider can give you a referral. Explain to your husband that the problem isn’t him — it’s you — and you will be getting help for it. Please don’t wait to reach out because help is available.My 45-year-old son is getting married to a lovely girl.
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