Dear Abby advises a woman whose husband keeps hitting on her, the parent of a child in an abusive relationship, and sounds off on what gift to give in a second marriage.
My married friend is a swinger. She says her husband’s sex drive has declined lately, but it hasn’t. He keeps trying to get me to talk “naughty” with him, but I always refuse. To me, that would be betraying my friend. He has encouraged her to get a live-in girlfriend for herself. I asked her what she thinks would happen if she did and he decided to do the same. She doesn’t believe he would, but I do.
Abby, I value our friendship. If I tell her about his late-night habits, it would hurt her. If I don’t and she finds out, it will also hurt her. He always apologizes after each attempt. Apologies mean nothing if he continues to repeat his actions. Lately, I have avoided spending time with her because of his late-night requests. What should I do? —Tell him his advances are not welcome and to stop calling you, and that if he doesn’t, you will tell your friend.
A support group your son would find helpful is Stop Abuse for Everyone . Once he gets in touch, he will realize that he’s far from the only husband who has been battered. He also needs to know you are there for him regardless, so when the holidays roll around, be “cordial” — and keep your eyes open.I have two friends whose daughters will be married this fall, both for the second time. I have given gifts to both women for their first marriages.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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