How to enjoy the company of couples without boundaries—without becoming enmeshed.
Those who get enmeshed with these couples end up alienated from one or both parties.While some couples are warm and welcoming to others, some couples make people feel uncomfortable. The discomfort you feel around these couples is likely the result of insufficient interpersonal. They share with you intimate details of their relationship or ask you to share intimate details with them.
Rand was very uncomfortable. He knew that he was being asked to take a side. He was compelled to choose the perspective of one of the neighbors while opposing the other. He knew that at least one of the pair would be angry or disappointed with him and that this could mar his relationship with his neighbors forever. He was also concerned that if he expressed an opinion and things did not go well with the children’s education he would be blamed.
Covert triangulation occurs when the third party is enmeshed without realizing it. The triangulation is sometimes intentionally hidden to encourage participation. For example, if Bessie chose to engage Rand covertly, she might have just asked him, “What do you think of homeschooling versus public education?” She might have chosen to ask Rand when Glenn was out of earshot.
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