Confessions of a college counselor: Pushy parents, teen misery and the futility of the Stanford dream

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Confessions of a college counselor: Pushy parents, teen misery and the futility of the Stanford dream
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As counselor Irena Smith’s memoir reveals in her memoir, she sometimes has to stop status-conscious parents from nearly ‘destroying’ their children as they apply for college.

In Irena Smith’s memoir about working on the front lines of America’s college admissions mania, the Palo Alto-based independent college admissions counselor recalls how she made a ninth-grader cry.

“I wrote the book to get at what a lot of people in Palo Alto, and more broadly in the Bay Area , don’t talk about: specifically the pressure on so many young people to be perfect in an ‘Ivy League’ way,” she said in an interview. “The truth is that only a few kids can actually pull that off.” With the ninth-grader, Smith only got so far in managing his mother’s expectations. She never met with the boy again. Still, his family’s story resonates in the era of 2019 Varsity Blues scandal. Smith said she wasn’t shocked by the scandal — in which Bay Area entrepreneurs, Hollywood stars and other wealthy parents across the country allegedly paid tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars in bribes to get their children fraudulently admitted to top U.S. schools.

As with other recent examinations of Silicon Valley culture, including Malcolm Harris’ best-selling book “Palo Alto,” Smith mentions the clusters of teen suicides from 2009 to 2015 that ended the lives of 10 Palo Alto Unified School District students. The clusters prompted the district to make students’ mental health a top priority, as well as local and national discussions about the role of college admissions in teen stress.

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