A parent is annoyed by neighbors whose child comes over every day and is left “to fend for himself.”
A neighbor’s child, 12, spends tremendous amounts of time at my house with my child, including for snacks and meals. There is no reciprocation. They are well-off, so this is not the issue. The parents are otherwise extremely nice, but seem to be into themselves, leaving the child to fend for himself. When the mother gives lip service to thanking me, I would like to convey just how much he is here and how much he is “treated” to.I realize I am not obligated to host/entertain/feed this child.
But raising kids isn’t a black-and-white business. I could easily argue that for the relatively bargain price of, let’s say, one dedicated hour of your time and one meal and snack a day, you are teaching your children such invaluable lessons as generosity, compassion, inclusion and forgiveness. Lessons that can’t be taught with mere “lip service.
I realize this approaches a fine line marking a slippery slope into a minefield of nasty clichés: If this boy ever becomes such an attention-suck that you’re neglecting your kids’ basic needs, then that would certainly negate any compassionate teachings. Your primary responsibility is to your own children, obviously, should you ever be forced to choose.
But as long as there’s enough time and money — enough of you — to go around, then please try to see your larger-than-expected family as a privilege, not a burden. His parents aren’t getting off easy; they’re paying dearly in lost time with their son.Keep that in mind for their next thank-you session . Don’t call them out on the time and money, since they may respond by keeping him home on his couch. Instead, try: “We’re no substitute for his family, but it’s a privilege to have him along.
Every once in a while, my girlfriend says she feels like we’re not on track to get married — because I haven’t proposed, I assume. Should I just tell her I am saving for a ring? She might think I am just trying to buy more time and avoid a commitment.Unless your primary shared value is that fairy tale surprises are paramount , what matters here is a close bond to your mate.
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