Husband’s procrastination issues have become his spouse's problem by cutting deeply — and expensively — into family time.
This could be a neurological issue, an anxiety issue or some other issue in your husband’s mind or character, so it’s not your issue to solve for him. I assume that informed your friend’s answer, and it’s not wrong.
Because it makes your life worse, however, it’s a serious marital issue and is therefore your issue. Attrition is one of love’s top causes of death. Plus, all those family adventures you don’t have are memories you don’t form and therefore can’t summon years later to renew and reinforce your bond. It’s the family’s issue.
I belabored this because it’s such a tough spot for you both. No one wants to have or be a spousal homework monitor, so attrition is a risk here as well. But your husband clearly needs monitoring if he hopes to stay married, employed and bonded to his kids.The best option this leaves for you is to serve as a kind of before-and-after bracket, where you initiate the remedy process, then support the one he chooses, but the remedy itself is on him.
Specifically, you begin a multipart conversation — never drop big things on distracted or unfocused people in passing — and note that your current leave-him-to-it strategy isn’t effective. Then you sit down to brainstorm and assess alternatives. Hire an organizer? Get neuropsych testing and any follow-up treatment? Identify and replicate conditions where heable to focus? People don’t need an ADHD diagnosis to benefit from related work strategies, so hit the search engines.
Again: You only precipitate the change. He makes it, then you support it. This may still be more involvement in a fellow adult’s workload than you ever wanted, but that’s the riddle of life partners and executive functioning problems: How much extra work do you assume to preempt doing all the work? Loading nonexecutive household responsibilities, or ones he procrastinates less, onto his side of the ledger is one way to correct potentially relationship-killing imbalances.
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