‘It’s Stage IV Skip Bayless, The Loudest, Most Aggressive Kind,’ Say Doctors
Bergman told reporters that the cancer would continue to waste away, shriveling to a shell of its former self, until it eventually shuts down completely in reaction to the overwhelming smugness of Skip Bayless.
The oncologist confirmed that most Skip Bayless victims usually contract the despicable ailment within the first 15 minutes of televised segments.“Unfortunately right now there is no cure for Skip Bayless,” said Bergman, adding that while early detection offers some hope for treatment, at this stage nearly 95 percent of patients will lose their battle with the self-satisfied disease. “It resists nearly everything we throw at it.
“All we can do now is make the cancer as comfortable as possible and allow Skip Bayless to run its course,” Bergman continued.According to Bergman, regular screenings for Skip Bayless are imperative, both through medical scans as well as routine self-checks at home. Bergman said that early warning signs of the highly virulent commentator include persistent headaches, loss of appetite, and abnormal bumps in ratings.
Bergman also stressed the importance of preventative care, stating that the incidence of Skip Bayless skyrockets amongst those who begin discussing the value of NBA power forward Kevin Durant or anyone who leaves ESPN on from 10 a.m. until noon.
“All we can say is that Skip Bayless is something we wish modern medicine could have eradicated from society years ago,” added the oncologist.
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