For the latest edition of Can We Talk?, our monthly sex and relationships column, we heard from Refinery29 readers about their long-distance relationships, the biggest pain points associated with them, and how they got through them (or didn't).
. “Now I am a micro-influencer with 170,000 followers making content full time,” she says. “Because of a spite-fueled decision, I have found my passion.” After nine years of marriage, Nancy Fagan, 58, and her husband Joe took their relationship bicoastal: She moved to San Diego, CA, to start a new business, and he stayed in Boston, MA. “My husband was highly against it at first because he feared people would assume we were,” she remembers.
Nancy says it took him about three months to get used to the distance and feel confident that their marriage would stay strong. “We had to be very deliberate in making it work,” she says. “We called each other every morning and night to check-in and connect. The company he worked for also had an office in San Diego, so he was able to fly out for one week a month. I was not as flexible, but was able to fly to Boston about once every two months.
“We had to make the marriage the priority the entire time we were apart,” she says, but it was especially crucial during this time. She made sure to have a backup at work so that she could drop everything and fly across the country if needed, and had him keep her on the phone during doctor’s appointments so she could hear everything and stay updated on what was going on. “When you’re faced with that, especially cancer, you think the person is going to die,” she says.
It was a whirlwind. “I never knew of love-sickness like I did during those times we were apart,” Charlotte says. “The hardest part was wondering if she'd wake up one day and have a change of heart. I drove myself insane with worry and it's like all my insecurities came back to haunt me all at once.” But it wasn't long before the couple knew they wanted to find a way to be together full-time. After just six months, her partner was packing up her life to come and be with Charlotte in London. “She made a huge sacrifice for our relationship, and everyone thought we were crazy for
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