3 steps to strengthening your relationships—romantic and otherwise—by SlingshotRahul
Start with disclosing a little bit, seeing how the other person responds, seeing whether they reciprocate, and then continuously enlarging your comfort zone over time. The incrementalism relates to both amounts of disclosure and period. I tell you something, and then I see what you do with it. It’s not such a huge amount of information that it risks catastrophe if you do something bad with it.
And yet, that’s not what we think of when we think about feedback. Most people don’t make their intent clear, and in that absence, negative feedback can feel ill-intended or as criticism. It’s important to reiterate your intent. And learn to become a good receiver of feedback. A simple thank you is enough to let the giver know you appreciate their feedback—no need to get into an argument or conflict, no matter how painful it may be to hear what is said with helpful intent.
As common as this attribution process is, it also can be dysfunctional. Note that my sense-making is a guess. That is my hunch as to why you act the way you do. I am “crossing over the net” from what is my area of expertise , to your area of expertise . My imputation of your motives can always be debated, whereas sticking with my own feelings and reactions is never debatable.
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