“I am not interested in any precocity that requires my daughter to sacrifice what’s left of her insular happiness and take on a heroism I hope she’ll have her whole adolescence and adulthood to hone,” writes slb79
Photo: Kaligraf/Getty Images When Trayvon Martin was killed, we were with the Grandmas — my mother and her mother — sitting in different rooms of the apartment the four of us shared. Trayvon Martin was 17, and my daughter was 2, about six months away from a diagnosis of developmental delay and hearing impairment. She played with a miniature family of figurines on the floor as footage of Sybrina Fulton and Tracy Martin flickered on our television screens.
It is quite commendable when children courageously engage in direct action alongside their parents. I fully understand why a mother would want to apprise her child, as soon as possible, of what it’s like to grow up Black in America. We’re all told that the “next generation” will be the one to right the world we’ve wronged.
This has long been my parenting philosophy. It’s something my daughter’s learning and hearing differences have taught me, as I’ve had to temper my own hasty expectations. She learned to speak, read, write, and reason at her own pace, not one I set or tried to accelerate for her. At first, I felt at odds with other families, comparing our academic and social benchmarks with theirs, wondering what I needed to do to “catch up.” But my daughter has always been her own person.
Eight days before a Ferguson police officer killed Michael Brown and left his body lying uncovered for hours on the street, my daughter’s father and I celebrated her fourth birthday by driving up to Sesame Place in Pennsylvania. When the artist at the face-painting booth asked what design she wanted, she answered with confidence belying her still-limited grasp of language: “I tiger.” After she waited patiently for her face to be airbrushed in orange-and-black stripes, we bought her a bubble gun.
My daughter’s entire childhood has been marked by news reports of racial violence. I could list far more of them and tell you exactly where she was in time, age, and development when they occurred. How I and the other adults around her engaged, protested, or mourned them largely escaped her notice. That was by design, and I don’t regret it.
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