'A 2015 study showed that the start of puberty is actually a trigger for marked declines in parents' feelings of 'self-efficacy.''
Every school year would begin with a grim sense of inevitability—that sixth, seventh, and eighth graders were destined to be mean; that middle school sucks, sucked, and would always suck—and that there was nothing anyone could do about it.
Parents, by and large, don't do middle schoolerish things because they're terrible people. They do them because they're scared. Or helpless. At their worst, they can even feel—if their middle schoolers seem sad, lose friends, spark tearful family fights or simply disappear for long, angry stretches into their rooms—like they're failing at the most important job in their lives.
Instead of spiraling into the affective realm of middle schoolers, we adults must raise our own level of emotional functioning. We have to learn to listen without immediately rushing in to fix things and to tolerate distress—our own and theirs—without falling to pieces. We have to figure out how to acknowledge, without excessively dwelling on, the bad things that happen.
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