Is this a generational thing, snubbing relatives who would love to see them?
Your son made an excuse to avoid going to this family party. You later felt compelled to investigate his excuse, which seems to have transformed his excuse into a lie.
Yes — people do what they want to do. And they should! You want to attend this family party every year, and he doesn’t.You might convey to him that you don’t intend to apply pressure, but that these family members would all love to see him and his wife. I actually agree with your husband that the best way not to feel bad about something you know is going to happen is to anticipate it and to make a choice not to take it personally.
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