Dear Amy: Our good friends, a married couple, have one child. He is a son they adopted who is about to turn 10 years old.
“You’re right that current wisdom supports the idea that adoptees should know early about their adoptions.
“Amanda Baden, a professor and researcher at Montclair State University who specializes in adoption, explained to me a few years ago that when a child any older than that discovers they are adopted, they may also put together that they’ve been lied to or misled — and that lots of people, even beyond their parents, have actively participated in this deception.
I can hear the resounding, “Nooooo!” Now I’m stuck with the hindsight of seeing the red flags for all the things I should have done and should not have done.
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