Dear Amy: After many years of exchanging gifts with my brother-in-law and his wife, my husband and I decided we didn’t want to do it anymore.
Another way to see this is that they are as filled with anxiety about gift-giving as you are about receiving — and they can’t seem to find a way to stop.
Because your very reasonable and direct communication has not been respected, you might get some headway by giving them a specific directive: “We understand your desire to be generous gift givers, even though as we’ve said, we really don’t want to continue to receive. So, in the future, can we ask you to direct your giving to [a favorite local charity] on our behalf? That would mean a lot to us.”
In the past, I’ve enjoyed selecting “just the right gift” for each grandchild and mailing it. I liked to visualize delight in the child’s eyes receiving a wrapped gift in the mail from their grandparents.Before Christmas last year, we receiving a formal letter typed on my son’s business letterhead telling us that their child “doesn’t need any more of your toys and clothes.” This letter demanded instead that we send money directly to the child’s new bank account. Deposit slips were enclosed.
That having been said, many young and prosperous families do complain about their children receiving an overabundance of gifts.You could let this family know that for future gift-giving occasions, you will send the child a card, and if you choose to give money to the child, you will place the funds into an account that you will set up, turning the money over to the child at some future date.
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