After losing a first marriage to postpartum stress, a remarried parent is wary of having more children.
Sadie wants a child and I believe she would be a great mom. But I also believe Jessie is a great mom — and terrible partner. I am fearful about going down the same path with Sadie, and so I am stalling on preparing for parenthood. How do I know that Sadie won’t turn out to be Jessie once we spawn together?Sadie won’t be Jessie because Sadie is not Jessie. I get what you mean, but do stop.
And speaking of … I won’t minimize how lonely and hard it was for you to keep the household together. But it also sounds as if you fault Jessie entirely for your having to do that? Not to mention pre-faulting Sadie. And really, seven months is hardly a scandalous maternity leave.U.S. standards on this are shameful.
Yet the drive-through birth has become so normalized, you can be forgiven for not understanding how utterly foxed up that is — but in the end we still have the fact that Jessie suffered for a year, within the range of normal, and you held that against her. And still regard it as her fault. When it might not have been her choice.
So. You don’t want Sadie to Jessie you? Then learn from Jessie. People who have babies and become their primary caregivers may take months, a year, more, to recover as. And you may have to carry way more than you want to — or would have to under saner conditions: Support for co-parents needs to be a million times better, too.
It’s a long game; prepare accordingly. A chat reader suggested honesty with your wife and therapy for your anger over this, which is advice I endorse.
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