Advice | Post advice columnist Carolyn Hax hasn’t followed the royal family drama. Her lack of knowledge makes her the perfect person to weigh in. It allows her to see the saga for what it is: the kind of familial angst she hears about from readers daily.
Of course. What I see a lot with these relationships that fracture to this degree and for this long and this badly is there’s usually some hard conversation that didn’t happen when it should have happenedbecause people were avoiding it or they were retrenching and defending themselves. And instead of just saying, “Okay, you’re right, I am angry at you.
It gets even harder when somebody responds to your mistake with an even bigger mistake. And I think a lot of people get tempted into saying, “It’s on now. What you did was so much worse that it absolved me of whatever I did.” And that’s not true. You’re still responsible for your part of it, even if it’s much smaller.The relationship may be beyond salvaging.
Trying to explain it to a child in childlike terms, it’s almost asking too much. So I think you end up with: “This is an unfortunate situation and we’re not able to see them right now. And I know we love your cousins, and I know they love you,” and you just sort of treat it as an unfortunate casualty of circumstance. If you don’t saddle them with your own biases, they can then seek each other out when they’re out in the world.
You can go on for days about how “this was my life to live. I got to make my own choice. I’m not going to decide who’s going to be my life partner based on my traumatized kid.” You can say all those things, and they’re all going to be true, but there is also emotional truth, and the emotional truth is this is going to be a sore spot in this kid.
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