When someone you care about is in pain or facing a dilemma, it can be tempting to tell them what to do, but giving unsolicited advice often backfires. Here's what to do instead.
Some years after my decision to divorce, I thanked my parents for not pressuring me one way or the other on the “stay-or-go” issue. Making that hard decision myself really forced me to grow, I told them.or didn’t. And we knew you had to choose that pain for yourself.”I think about this incident often, particularly when another adult asks me to give advice or when I’m nervy enough to butt in without being asked.
If you have a stake in the outcome of your friend’s action, maybe you can’t be unbiased. Like an honorable judge, recuse yourself from the case. giving direct advice about action to be taken. The goal is to respect their right of self-determination and to strengthen their sense of self:Your very presence can be a comfort to a friend. Sometimes keeping someone company while they go through their trials is a gift in itself.Try, “You are in a tough situation"; Sounds like you’re between a rock and a hard place"; or"I’m so sorry you have to face this kind of problem right now.”.
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