Jimmy Kimmel said in his annual Disney upfronts monologue that 'I've been through so much bullsh*t this year' it made him appreciate the event.
OpenAI Trial Verdict: Elon Musk 0, Sam Altman 1 As Jury Rejects Tesla Boss’ $150B Suit; As Tech Company Preps IPO, Musk Promises Appeal Triple Threat: Natasha Lyonne, Sean Lennon & Evan Ross Launch Ariadne; ‘Vitruvian Scumbag’ Transhumanism Docuseries Inaugural Offering From Indie Studio Will Ferrell Shows Up As Jeffrey Epstein To Yuk It Up With Old Pal Trump For Blistering ‘SNL’ Cold Open“Have to admit, I’ve been through so much bullsh*t this year, it actually made me appreciate this bullsh*t,” theDisney Upfront: Here’s What Happened At North Javits With Josh D’Amaro, Olivia Rodrigo, Anne Hathaway, Paul Anthony Kelly & NFL LegendsABC Fall 2026 Schedule: No ‘Bachelor’ Franchise Series, ‘High Potential’ & ‘Shifting Gears’ Held For Midseason With ‘The Rookie’ & ‘Will Trent’ Which is why the self-described “bad boy of data and measurement solutions” added today, “I cost our company a lot of money this year, billions.
” Introduced by Ryan Seacrest, Kimmel hit the stage today to big applause and unsheathed his satire swords fast, furious and funny.
“It is very possible that no employee in the history of any company has cost their employer more,” he said right at the drop. “Hiring me 24 years ago, just from a purely mathematical standpoint, was the worst personnel decision that Disney Corporation has ever made. Not even the captain of the Exxon Valdez did more damage. ”for remarks he made about the murder of conservative activist Charlie Kirk.
Constantly called out as low-rated and no-talent by the formerover an “expectant widow” remark he made days before the shocking shootings that closed down the White House Correspondents’ Dinner.of its stations by the FCC, a move agency head Brendan Carr and others insist has nothing to do with displeasing their Oval Office master. Speaking of Trump, there was no direct mention of the historically low polling POTUS at the Disney upfront before Kimmel arrived for his traditional roasting of the political, the corporate, the media and everything else — including his bosses.
But, spoken or unspoken, Trump was top of mind.
“Yes, the President has tried to get me twice over the last six months,” Kimmel noted. “That’s one way to look at it. Another way. You could also say, I’ve generated unparalleled engagement across a variety of platforms this year, largely thanks to our partners in Washington, we are up 25% among viewers.
” “You know, usually in order for ABC to pull you off the air, you have to throw a chair at your Mormon boyfriend,” Kimmel added. (If you missed it, the Mormon reference was toOddly, with a bit of a wink and a nod and some 2027, the performance was billed by Disney as “a GRAMMYs® Moment Courtesy of Jimmy Kimmel.
” It was, except for a surprise performance of “Drop Dead” by“Since I started ABC, I’ve had three CEOs: Bob, Bob, Bob and Josh. Josh’s last name is pronounced ‘D’Amaro,’ as in, ‘All the shows you saw earlier will be canceled tomorrow.
'”. As you know, CBS is turning 11:35 into a leased time slot, least as in, least likely to offend the President with a rerun offrom 2007 featuring Paula Poundstone and Andy Dick. Poor Steven. It’s bad enough to lose your job.
Imagine getting replaced by the owner of the Weather Channel. ” “You know, in the past, I’ve come here to mock the other network shows. It was all very competitive, but now we’re like a bunch of dirty, starving little chihuahuas under the table waiting for a chicken leg to drop. For the first time, I think ever, I am rooting for CBS.
They’ve got a lot of great returning shows, and they’ve got some great new shows. answers the question: What if LL Cool J partnered up with another white guy in a different city? They have anshow about Albert Einstein’s grandson who solves crimes.
You know, they were supposed to release that one last year, but they pushed it back because they needed time to figure out who the Einstein was that decided to make a show about Einstein’s grandson solving crimes. ” This will be the first Super Bowl on ABC in 20 years, and we are going to milk the bejesus out of it. We are going to spend the whole year promoting what’s already the most popular thing on Earth.
And as if the country isn’t already divided enough, we put the game on Valentine’s Day just to be dicks. And let me tell you what the halftime show this year is going to be – the whitest sh*t you’ve ever seen. Goodbye, Bad Bunny. Welcome back, O-Town.
”. And do you know why? I’m actually asking why does anyone know why this is happening? This is like finding out tweens love Triscuits.
”Kicking off about an hour earlier with a Madonna-soundtracked video of Disney’s biggest stars, an awkward elevator scene and a “how you all doing tonight? ” from literal Disney princess andto assert both change and continuity. Of course, the die-hard sports fan and former Parks boss’ pokes at the NBA’s New York Knicks just blocks from Madison Square Garden threw down another type of marker, especially when Medfield, MA-born D’Amaro admitted he’s a Celtics fan.
After that, with a glitchy mic, an Avenger or two and some Gordon Lightfoot, it was one loving testimony on video and onstage after another from Disney stars or creators. Plus there was a whole lot of “superpower” Super Bowl LXI, and more sportspitching the company in the brave new digital world that isn’t that new and is about to become much more digital with AI.s Robin Roberts used part of her stint onstage for the shindig to mock the new viewership declines of ABC’s network rivals and perceived lack of editorial independence.
In a breaking news moment of sorts, Roberts also officially revealed the non-secret thatto host ABC’s second-to-last airing of the Oscars before it moves to YouTube in 2029. In that sense, the sharp-tongued Roberts was simply setting the stage for a nothing-left-to-lose Kimmel to give one of his most piercing upfronts performances ever — and that’s saying something.
‘Ella Enchanted’ Series With Anne Hathaway As EP In Works At Disney+Comments On Deadline Hollywood are monitored. So don't go off topic, don't impersonate anyone, and don't get your facts wrong. This man is fearless. Every night of TV, he takes no prisoners, totally scathing in the most necessary way.
Not to be hyperbolic, but he’s the current leader of the resistance with the most power to coordinate, and the biggest platform. Kudos to his writers as well, they are basically research journalists at the moment. Old people have literally been conditioned to believe that millionaires paid by billionaires to carry water for multinational global corporations are “the resistance”.
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