'When I separated the strands of what I assumed my life would look like from how it actually did, a surprising thing happened: I felt free.' Read an excerpt from kayleener's 'But You’re Still So Young: How Thirtysomethings Are Redefining Adulthood'
Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Photos: GettyImages By my early 30s, I’d been living in New York City since my mid-20s, focused mostly on my career as a writer, the one thing I was absolutely sure I wanted. I thought that after I solidified my career and my finances, I’d be ready to get married and have children. I thought this even though I was terrified of the compromises I might have to make.
I didn’t, and in that moment, I felt like I didn’t have anything. I thought my career was gone, and since I’d been building everything on that, I didn’t have anything else. She set out to write the book Adulting: How to Become a Grown-up in 468 Easy Steps to help people like her who wanted to feel like their lives had forward momentum. But when she began asking people she thought were inspirational for their suggestions, “I started to realize that everyone else also felt like they were messes,” she says. Every single person she tried to interview would tell her, “You don’t want to talk to me. I’m not a real adult.
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted me to move to his city, since he was the one who still had a corporate job, but I didn’t want to: That seemed like admitting failure, a retreat that I was forced into because I couldn’t make my own career happen. But I also wasn’t ready to quit. I kept writing without the security of working for the same place each day and started to feel a lot better about it — and about my life. I’d been trying to get to a solid career so I could launch the rest of what I thought my life had to be, but now I had to let that go. I no longer had a precise answer to what I did. It wasn’t going to be what would propel me to marriage, buying a home, having children, or simply feeling like an established adult.
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