Jessica Winter interviews the child psychologist and Instagram personality Dr. Becky Kennedy, author of “Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be.”
Like many of her peers, Kennedy rejects what is often called the behaviorist approach to parenting, in which caregivers attempt to condition children’s behavior by wielding rewards and punishments—sticker charts, time-outs, and the like. “Behaviorism privileges shaping behavior rather than understanding behavior,” Kennedy, a mother of three, writes in “Good Inside.” “It sees behavior as the whole picture rather than as an expression of underlying unmet needs.
Our kids are oriented by attachment—how they get their safety and security is through their attachment with us. We give them food, shelter, all the things they need to survive. And so they’re always paying attention to the status of our relationship with them. In a moment when we yell, instead of them feeling safe and secure with us, all of a sudden, the person who gives them safety and love and security becomes a person who is delivering fear.
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