A sibling can’t get past brother’s “blatant selfishness” for choosing to mourn privately after their mother’s death.
Since then, I just can’t talk to him, and I can’t seem to get past my anger and frustration over his blatant selfishness in refusing to be with us during that awful time, and his refusal to be truly supportive of us as a family when that really mattered. He just refused to show up, no matter how much we pleaded. Yet he claims to have loved our mom.
You consider — forgive me — your own “blatant selfishness” in presuming to be the boss of his grief process.When you judged him so harshly and slapped him with a silent treatment, you gave him as good a case against you as you’ve tried to make against him. Better, even, because how he grieves is his emotional business, and he’s minding it. You, however, are only punishing him at this awful time because you’ve butted so far into his business that you actually believe it’s your own.
So many letters about grief purport to be about a very specific anger … at someone, who did or didn’t do something, in violation of whatever. Death is stark and final and doesn’t respond to your rage — but a sibling sure does.Please look at your anger and frustration with your brother through this lens, to see whether it changes your view.is still baseline fairness and won’t steer you wrong emotionally.
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